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Category: Terrible People

Mrs. Butterpurse

Mrs. Butterpurse

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Scene: two older ladies at a table.

One is telling the other about the time she got in a physical altercation with a waitress at a Waffle House because the server mistakenly said the syrup was real maple syrup but — plot twist — it wasn’t.  She kept harping about how dumb the server was for thinking it was real maple, as if that made it obvious why the girl needed to be attacked over her mistaken categorization of a breakfast condiment.  Her voice was full of pride as she recanted this tale.

She then produced a stick of butter out of her purse and explained that’s why she always packs her own butter and syrup when she goes out to eat, because restaurants usually only have margarine and fake maple.

I’m not sure what is weirder: the Waffle House fisticuffs or the purse butter.  Also, it wasn’t even breakfast.

No, baby, it’s disgusting.

No, baby, it’s disgusting.

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Scene: A lady and two guys at lunch.  One guy appears to be her friend, the other seems to be the partner of the other man, and mostly chews silently.  He must not like the lady.  I know I don’t.  Aside from the awful racist, she is possibly one of the most obnoxious people I’ve ever had the “pleasure” of eating beside.

From the very start, the lady addresses her server as “Baby” and keeps touching his arm.  After he takes her drink order, she begins asking him a bunch of very personal questions.  She is probably the same age as his mother.  He appears mildly uncomfortable but answers the questions politely.  She continues to exclusively call him “Baby” throughout the entire meal.

So, already I kinda hate her.

Her friend at the table orders some kind of cocktail.  When it arrives, she asks if she can try it.  Her friend says sure and passes her the glass.

Lady: Oh, that is disgusting.  All you can taste is the alcohol!  You actually like this?
Friend: Yes, this is what I usually get.
Lady: You like it though?
Friend: …yes.
Lady: It’s disgusting, all you can taste is the alcohol.
[server walks up]
Server: Is the drink not okay?
Friend: It is great, thank you.
Lady:  No, it’s disgusting!  All you can taste is the alcohol.
Server: I’m very sorry!  Uh… I can bring you an extra cup of the mixer to add to it to dilute it a bit if you’d like?
Lady: Yes, please do.
Friend: No, really it’s fine.
Lady:  You really like it like that?
Friend: Yes, it’s good.
Server: I’m happy to if you’d like.
Friend: No, please, it is good.
Lady: [incredulous] You really like it like that?
Server: Okay, well let me know if you change your mind.
Lady: [insistent] It’s disgusting.
Friend: It’s really fine.
[after server leaves]
Lady: You really like it like that?

“Some other kind of South American.”

“Some other kind of South American.”

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Scene: At the table across from me is a lady in her early 30s and several nicely dressed old men (80+).  They appear to have some kind of professional relationship.

[did not hear what led up to this admission – thankfully, I think]
Lady: Oh, no, I don’t interact with Mexicans.
Man A: Really?
Lady: No, never.  Not at all.
Man A: What about in Mexican restaurants?
Lady: Actually, they aren’t usually even Mexican in Mexican restaurants.  They’re some other kind of South American.
Man B: Uh… that is true, they aren’t always Mexican.
[awkward silence from the rest of the table]

Later in the meal, the young lady makes some comment about “Orientals”

Man who has to be at least 90: YOU CAN’T SAY THAT WORD ANYMORE.

Thank you for the lesson on social appropriateness, man who is old enough to have owned slaves.

Not sure if dumb or charlatan

Not sure if dumb or charlatan

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Scene: A handful of professionals at a business lunch

Sales Bro:  The key to making money online for your company is using Bing.
Employee A: Bing?
Sales Bro: It’s Microsoft’s version of Google.
Employee B: [impressed] Oh, Microsoft!
Sales Bro: Yeah, they pay way higher for ad words than Google.
Employee A: What does that mean?
Sales Bro: so like basically if you would have made $180,000 on Google, you’d make almost $240,000 on Bing.
[no one asks the realistic possibility of making either of these figures anywhere]
Sales Bro: Also, the key to driving traffic to your site is using Bing too.  Not Google.  You’ll get way more online sales.  Yahoo might also be good, but I’ll have to check on that.

[note: no, Yahoo is not “also good.”]

He then spent the remainder of the meal bragging about how many offices he has and how many people he manages.  He has an office in NYC and LA.  I guess that means he’s totes legit.